The Anti-Mentor Playbook: What Not to Do

anti-mentor

“When I’m a grown-up, I’m going to eat dessert before dinner!” “I’m never going to raise my voice!” Sounds familiar, right? Whether that’s something you remember saying as a kid or you’re hearing it from your kids now, there are a few childhood demands we swore we’d never take up as adults. And you know what? Sometimes, they’re on to something. We learn by observation. And when we’re observing behavior we don’t necessarily agree with, we make mental notes to do the opposite. The same applies in the workplace. Let’s meet the anti-mentor! 

Unfortunately, we’ve likely all worked with managers and colleagues who have behaviors that made us want to pull our hair out. Now, the mental notes sound more like: “If/when I was in their position, I would never do that.” We tell our coaching clients that if you don’t like the view from the top, that’s not a ladder you should be climbing. It’s up to YOU to be the change you want to see in your workplace. Taking note of how you’d do things differently is a step in a more positive direction.  

Looking back at our blog from last month, it was all about both finding and becoming a great mentor. On the other hand, it’s important to recognize and call out the “anti-mentors” who are clearly not the blueprint of being a good role model. Sometimes, these behaviors aren’t so obvious. Here are some groups of anti-mentors. 

The liar, liar, pants on fire anti-mentor  

We believe in putting your people first. They are the foundation of the business, so without happy people, a business will fail to thrive long-term. Seems straightforward enough, right? Well, anti-mentors don’t always have a good understanding of what’s happening day-to-day within their teams. They have a bird’s eye view of the business and don’t see—or care to learn—when the team is underwater and could use some assistance…or even just a break from constant work to recuperate.  

Usually, based on keeping a business afloat, what they do care about is the bottom line. They sell, sell, sell despite team members drowning. But when the team is so bogged down with back-to-back projects, it leads to employee burnout, resentment, and, ultimately, turnover. Project managers or a traffic team can help managers/business owners distribute and delegate incoming work and create timelines with deadlines that don’t strain internal resources.  

Another characteristic to look out for (and avoid) with anti-mentors is honesty. They stretch the truth about the product or team’s ability just to make a sale. Misrepresenting ability breaks one of the most important aspects of a relationship: trust. This erodes trust with not only your client if their expectations aren’t met but also with your team for having built them up as something they’re not.  

The schoolyard bully anti-mentor 

A lack of trust between teams and their manager can quickly spiral into micromanagement. It’s one of the quickest ways to demotivate and demoralize a team. Employees come to believe their manager doesn’t have faith in their ability, making them feel undermined and unmotivated. Micromanagement also stifles productivity. Employees don’t have enough work to do because their manager is doing everything for them, and managers are wasting their (more expensive) time working on projects that could be delegated to someone better suited to the task.  

The anti-mentor works against the team because it might be faster, or they have a hard time giving up control. To do the opposite, you could strike a balance by providing support when you’re asked for help or recognizing when help is needed, allowing people to take ownership of their own work.  

The skipping class anti-mentor 

A leader or manager who isn’t investing in their team isn’t investing in the growth of their business. While some should be self-directed, employees often look to their managers for career guidance. This can take shape in the form of providing classes (hey, we happen to know of a great online academy…), guidance/training, and acknowledging accomplishments. A hands-on leader should be:  

  • Having regularly scheduled 1:1 meetings with employees  
  • Helping to set goals and a plan for achieving them  
  • Providing constructive feedback with action items  
  • Celebrating a job well done  

Unsupportive, anti-mentors have a direct impact on the team’s morale, productivity, and, ultimately, loyalty. When developing yourself as a leader or even providing constructive feedback to a manager, prioritizing development helps to create a healthy work environment. Team members should feel valued, encouraged and motivated.  

Nobody’s perfect, but we can try 

People often question why friends or family stay in a role with poor leadership or these “anti-mentors.” Whether it’s because of the steady pay, great health benefits, remote flexibility, or location, we recognize there’s a laundry list of reasons why you may have to stay in a role with a less-than-desirable leader. Picking up your life and finding a new job with a perfect manager is much easier said than done!  

If you recognize any of these behaviors within yourself or your organization, now is your chance to rewrite the story. None of us are perfect, but by taking time to reflect, you can grow into the kind of leader you once dreamed of having. Use those mental notes to shape a more positive path forward, embracing compassion, honesty, and trust.  

Remember, “leader” and “mentor” are not titles but rather who you are, no matter what your role is. It is about lifting others up—not just yourself. So, be the leader who listens, empowers, and inspires. Be the change you want to see in your workplace, and set the standard for greatness in everything you do. 

GROW BIG OR GO HOME!®